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Setting Up LPA for Elderly Parents: A Conversation Guide

10 min11 Jan 2026

Setting Up LPA for Elderly Parents: How to Start the Conversation

This is one of the most difficult conversations adult children ever have with their parents. It touches on aging, mortality, independence, and trust. Many families avoid it entirely - until a crisis forces the issue.

But here's the uncomfortable truth: if your parents lose mental capacity without an LPA in place, you will not be able to help them. Not legally. Not even with bank accounts. Not even with medical decisions. Being their child gives you no automatic rights.

The conversation is hard. The alternative is harder.

Table of Contents

Why This Conversation Matters {#why-matters}

The Statistics

  • One in three people over 65 will develop dementia
  • One in five people will have a stroke in their lifetime
  • Only 1% of UK adults have both types of LPA registered

The gap between these numbers represents millions of families who will face crises without the legal tools to help.

The Reality Without an LPA

If your parent loses mental capacity without an LPA in place:

You cannot access their bank accounts. Even joint accounts can be frozen. Bills go unpaid. Care cannot be funded.

You cannot make medical decisions. Doctors make decisions in your parent's "best interests" without your legal input. You can be consulted but have no authority.

You cannot manage their property. Selling their home to fund care requires court permission.

You must apply to the Court of Protection. This costs £371 in court fees plus typically £1,000-3,000+ in solicitor fees. It takes 4-6 months minimum. The court decides who becomes deputy, and it might not be you.

The Reality With an LPA

If your parent has registered LPAs:

You can access their accounts to pay bills, manage finances, and fund care.

You can make medical decisions that honour their wishes and values.

You can manage their property without court involvement.

You can act immediately when needed, with no applications, delays, or legal costs.

When to Have the Conversation {#when-to-talk}

The Best Time

The ideal time is when your parents are:

  • In good health
  • Mentally sharp
  • Not under any immediate stress
  • Open to planning conversations

Many families find natural moments to raise the topic:

  • After a family member or friend experiences health issues
  • When updating their will
  • During retirement planning discussions
  • When they downsize or move home
  • After a minor health scare that resolved well

The Wrong Time

Avoid these moments:

  • During or immediately after a health crisis
  • When they're feeling vulnerable or scared
  • In the middle of family conflict
  • When other stresses are high
  • When time pressure forces rushed decisions

The "Too Late" Point

An LPA can only be created while the person has mental capacity. If your parent cannot:

  • Understand what an LPA is
  • Understand who they're appointing
  • Understand the consequences
  • Retain the information long enough to decide
  • Communicate their decision

Then it's too late. The Court of Protection is the only option.

This is why the conversation needs to happen before any concerns about capacity arise.

How to Start the Conversation {#how-to-start}

Phrases That Help

Opening lines:

  • "I was reading something that made me think about planning ahead..."
  • "A friend's parent had a stroke, and it made me realise we've never talked about this stuff..."
  • "I've just done my own LPAs and it made me wonder if you've thought about it..."

Addressing resistance:

  • "I know it feels morbid, but the reality is not planning is actually riskier..."
  • "It's not about expecting something bad - it's about being prepared just in case..."
  • "You're absolutely right that you're fine now - that's exactly why now is the best time..."

Emphasising their control:

  • "You get to choose exactly who you trust..."
  • "You can set whatever limits or instructions you want..."
  • "Once it's done, you never have to think about it again unless you want to..."

Common Objections and Responses {#objections}

"I don't need that - I'm fine"

Response: "That's exactly why now is the perfect time. LPAs can only be set up while you're well. It's like home insurance - you get it while everything's fine, not when the house is already on fire."

"My spouse/you can handle it"

Response: "Actually, that's not how it works legally. Even spouses can't access each other's sole bank accounts or make medical decisions without an LPA. The law doesn't automatically allow it."

"That's for old people"

Response: "Accidents and illness can happen at any age. Plus, the earlier you do it, the longer it lasts. Many people in their 50s and 60s set them up as part of retirement planning."

"I don't want to give away control"

Response: "You're not giving away control - you're deciding who gets it if something happens. Without an LPA, a court decides. With one, you decide. It's more control, not less."

"It feels like you're planning for me to die"

Response: "It's actually the opposite. LPAs are for if you're alive but need help. Wills are for after death. This is about making sure you get the help you'd want while you're here."

"We can deal with it when the time comes"

Response: "By then, it's too late. If you've lost capacity, you can't create an LPA anymore. The only option is the Court of Protection, which takes months, costs thousands, and a stranger decides who helps you."

"I don't trust anyone enough"

Response: "That's worth exploring. Is there anyone you'd trust for finances but not health? Or vice versa? You can appoint different people for each. And you can add safeguards like requiring two people to act together."

The Practical Steps After the Conversation {#practical-steps}

Once your parents agree to set up LPAs, here's what happens next:

1. Decide Who Will Be Attorney

Discuss with your parents:

  • Who do they trust most?
  • Do they want the same person for both LPAs or different people?
  • Should attorneys act jointly (must agree) or jointly and severally (can act independently)?
  • Who should be replacement attorneys?

Common arrangements:

  • Spouse as primary attorney, adult child as replacement
  • Two adult children as joint attorneys
  • Spouse and adult child jointly and severally

2. Choose a Certificate Provider

The LPA needs a certificate provider - someone who confirms your parent understands the LPA and isn't being pressured.

Options:

  • A professional (GP, solicitor) - may charge £20-100
  • Someone who has known them for 2+ years (not a family member or attorney)

3. Complete the Forms

Options:

  • DIY via gov.uk - Free, guided online process
  • Online service - £30-100 per LPA with extra support
  • Solicitor - £200-500 per LPA with professional advice

For elderly parents, a solicitor or online service may be worth the extra cost for:

  • Face-to-face explanations
  • Error-checking
  • Certificate provider service
  • Document storage

4. Sign in the Correct Order

  1. Your parent (the donor) signs first
  2. The certificate provider signs
  3. The attorneys sign

Getting this wrong can invalidate the LPA.

5. Register with the OPG

Submit to the Office of the Public Guardian with the £82 fee per LPA. Registration takes 8-10 weeks.

6. Store the Documents Safely

Keep the registered LPA somewhere accessible but secure. Consider:

  • A fireproof safe at home
  • With a solicitor
  • Digital copy on a secure service (original still needed for some uses)

Signs It Might Be Getting Urgent {#warning-signs}

Without causing alarm, these signs suggest the conversation shouldn't wait:

Memory changes:

  • Forgetting recent conversations
  • Repeating themselves frequently
  • Missing appointments or medication
  • Confusion about dates or places

Financial changes:

  • Unopened bills or letters piling up
  • Uncharacteristic spending or giving money away
  • Falling for scams or unusual donations
  • Difficulty managing previously simple tasks

Health concerns:

  • Diagnosis of a progressive condition
  • Multiple hospital admissions
  • Increasing frailty or falls
  • Difficulty managing daily activities

Behavioural changes:

  • Increased anxiety or suspicion
  • Withdrawal from activities they enjoyed
  • Personality changes
  • Poor judgment in situations

These signs don't necessarily mean capacity is lost - but they do mean time is limited.

What If They Refuse? {#if-refuse}

Some parents will refuse despite your best efforts. This is their right.

Accept Their Decision (For Now)

You cannot force someone to create an LPA. Trying to pressure them may damage your relationship and make future conversations harder.

Leave the Door Open

  • "I understand, and I respect your choice. If you ever change your mind, I'm here to help."
  • "I've left some information in case you want to read about it later."
  • "Maybe we can talk about it again in a few months."

Document the Conversation

If you're concerned they may later lose capacity, make a note of:

  • When you had the conversation
  • What you discussed
  • Their reasons for refusing
  • Their apparent capacity at the time

This may be relevant if the Court of Protection becomes involved later.

Consider Other Family Members

Sometimes a sibling, trusted friend, or the family solicitor can have a different conversation that lands better.

Revisit After Life Events

A friend's health scare, a news story, or their own minor health issue may create an opening for another conversation.

What If They've Already Lost Capacity? {#lost-capacity}

If your parent cannot understand and decide about an LPA, it's too late to create one.

The Court of Protection Route

You'll need to apply for a deputyship order, which grants legal authority similar to an LPA but decided by the court.

Process:

  1. Complete application forms (COP1, COP3, COP4)
  2. Obtain a mental capacity assessment (COP3) from a medical professional
  3. Pay the £371 application fee
  4. The court assesses the application
  5. If approved, you become deputy

Costs:

  • £371 court fee
  • £100+ for medical assessment
  • £500-2,000+ for solicitor help (optional but often needed)
  • Annual supervision fees (£320/year for property and financial deputies)

Time: 4-6 months minimum, often longer

Limitations:

  • The court decides who becomes deputy (may not be you)
  • Deputies have less flexibility than attorneys
  • Ongoing reporting requirements
  • Higher long-term costs

This is why the LPA conversation is worth having, even if it's difficult.

Frequently Asked Questions {#faq}

Key Takeaways

  • Have the conversation now - LPAs can only be created while your parents have mental capacity
  • Frame it as their choice - They're choosing who they trust, not giving away control
  • Use stories, not statistics - Personal examples resonate more than abstract risks
  • Offer to help, not take over - Support them through the process
  • Accept their decision - If they refuse, leave the door open for future conversations
  • Act on agreement quickly - Don't let a "yes" drift into inaction

Next Steps {#next-steps}

Related Guides:

Last updated: January 2026. This guide is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Laws and figures are specific to England and Wales. If you have concerns about a parent's mental capacity, consult their GP or a solicitor specialising in elderly client matters.

Last updated: 11 January 2026